Lily’s Reality Check: ‘Jersey Shore’, ‘Playing It Straight’
Here’s this weeks recap of your guilty pleasure – Jersey Shore. This week is all about romances, or lack of. Jenni falls out with Roger, Pauly D gains a new stalker and Vinny falls in love with a lesbian. A normal weekend in Jersey Shore. Mike tries to set up Snooki and Gionni, not in a romantic way but in a I-slept-with-your-girlfriend way. Unfortunately his one and only witness ‘The Unit’ is off in Miami. How inconvenient.
J-Woww is upset that Roger is ignoring her calls even though he’s been seen out and about on the sidewalk. Seeing J-Woww this upset is heart-wrenching; in the drunken chaos that is the Jersey Crew, she is a beacon of sanity. Without her we only have UTI’s, booze and fist pumping. Or as it’s known professionally; Geordie Shore. Roger makes it even worse for himself after running into the boys at the gym and telling them that he won’t apologise. After all that would be ‘kissing arse’. On a side note, are any of them aware that this is actually available to watch on tv? My boyfriend once made an unsavoury comment on facebook and I castrated him. Say goodbye to your boys Roger.
Vinny scores not once but twice at Aztec, or so he thinks. After roping in Deena to play wing-woman he goes after the ‘hotter’ chick.Even after Vinny discovers his soon-to-be lay is a lesbian he carries on the brave fight; “I’ve got soft features. I think I’m a good transition for a lesbian girl,” And just like that we’re had our daily dose of Jersey Shore logic. In true wing-woman style Deena manages to bring back the other chick which pays off when the ‘lesbian girl’ decides he’s just not quite womanly enough.
Snooki and Deena bunk off work he next day, a gutsy move considering how much they obviously need that ‘job and Pauly D introduces us to his new stalker. Unlike last seasons Pauly stalker this one has had the time to get her hands on Pauly D merchandise. Bless her, you do feel for her. Obviously somewhere deep inside she honestly believes that Pauly D will take one look at her and whisk her away to an Ed Hardy filled mansion where they will dine on Ron-Ron Juice and mock italian meals. unfortunately when given her chance to talk she just freezes and grins inanely. Just like that her moment is over and she joins the Pauly D Stalker hall of fame. An elite club.
Once again we’re back here, ready to see the new episode of Playing It Straight. Don’t look at me like that, we’re in it together now. Your just as dirty for watching this as me. The guys are camping up in the Pyrenees and have to ‘extreme’ orienteer their way back to Cara. They take on a number of wilderness related challenges designed to help Cara out the gays in the group. To start of they get one compass and one map and have to make their way miles down the hillside to Cara. Sven is already losing his mind and is coming close to throttling Ben and I’m right there with him. Danny ends up with the map; a move obviously orchestrated by the production crew, who else would put their lives in his perfectly mosturised and manicured hands.
After finding Cara they’re immediately kicked back out to the woods to set up tents and write songs for her. Which ever song she likes best will get to sleep in Cara’s bed. If only a night out was that easy! Danny’s destroys our eardrums and Ben and Sam are equally cute; their mother must be so proud of what they’re doing. In the end Levi won and… it was awful. They had nothing to talk about and sat in awkward silence until they crept out the spy on the other lads.In the morning the boys have to descent a 100m cliff whilst Cara cheers them on from the top. They will be in harnesses to avoid the obvious temptations to do a running jump away from Cara.Unfortunately everyone does pretty well, and therefore the challenge is rendering pretty boring. Sven wins the persuasion time and uses it to smear Danny and Dean, does it work? Or does bitching out her favourite boys work against him? Only the elimination will show. First up is Levi.. who is asked to leave the hacienda. After asking the eternal question’Are you gay or straight?’ it turns out he’s straight, to which Cara says ‘I thought so’. Either she’s abit unsure how the game works or she’s just insulted that he didn’t grope her on their sleepover. And just like that the elimination’s over. As predictable as always Cara get’s rid of the straight one and keeps the most obvious gay ones.